New Book Offers Sanity-Saving Tips for Single Parents

At your wit's end trying to manage life as a single parent? A new book by Laynee Gilbert, single mom and licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, offers a refreshing perspective that can help you stay sane and enjoy a sound relationship with your child.

SAN JOSE, Calif., Jan. 10, 2012  -- It's dinnertime. You're rushing around the kitchen after spending the past hour fighting rush-hour traffic getting from work to your 6-year-old's childcare. Suddenly your little angel is at your side. "Mama, remember when you said we could draw a height chart on the wall of our new house? Well... look!" She leads you to the front entryway, where she points to a large drawing of a girl with a line at the top of her head.

You have a choice. You can lecture her for defacing the wall, or you can take a deep breath, say to yourself, "So What," and compliment her creativity as you pull out your camera.

For Laynee Gilbert, "So What" was the clear choice, though not long ago her reaction would have been to drill home The Lesson instead. According to Gilbert, author of the new book, "So What: A Single Mom's* Guide to Staying Sane in the 21st Century (*Not just for single moms)" (L.O.A. Publications, 2012, 0-9678966-3-0), by staying present and not getting hooked by "shoulds" and what others may think, she and her daughter were able to enjoy the moment, her daughter came away feeling pride instead of shame, and mom spent the rest of the evening wearing a smile instead of a scowl.

"Trying to be and do it all is maddening, and is a setup for failure and disappointment," says Gilbert. Through her "So What" approach, stretched parents – single and otherwise – can maintain their sanity and self-esteem, while at the same time parent and bond effectively. Here are some tips she offers:

1. Identify "buttons and hooks" that can cause you to react negatively vs. respond thoughtfully.

2. When it comes to saying "Yes" or "No", ask yourself, "What is my best possible response right now, considering the needs of my child, our relationship and myself?"

3. Balance the need to control with the need to let go. Per Gilbert, "Letting go of some control is not a slippery slope to letting go of all control."

4. Adopt a "good enough" standard, and learn to forgive imperfection.

5. Ask for help, and take personal time without guilt. Self-care relieves stress and lessens resentment.

About the Author:
Laynee Gilbert, M.A., M.F.T., is the author of five books, including, "So What: A Single Mom's* Guide to Staying Sane in the 21st Century (*Not just for single moms)" (L.O.A. Publications, 2012, 0-9678966-3-0, 108 pages, $13.95 paperback, $9.99 eBook). Her books are available on Amazon (http://amzn.com/0967896630) and through L.O.A. Publications (http://www.loapublications.com/).